Saturday, February 27, 2010

Morning Inspiration...

They were supposed to be playing Morning Inspiration...

But instead there was a commercial from Time Life Music for the Sweet Soul of the Seventies Collection. I don’t know if I’m feeling especially sentimental this morning...Lovin’ You by Minnie Ripperton. I don’t know if love is doing its thing in me... I’ve Got Love on My Mind by Natalie Cole. Perhaps I’m just tired and vulnerable... For the Love of You by the Isley Brothers. Maybe the cold of winter is getting to me...Always and Forever by Heatwave. It has been a minute since I’ve been in a relationship...Reunited by Peaches and Herb.

Where is the Morning Inspiration???

Wherever it was, as the snippets played, my heart grew heavy. There was a deep longing present that words cannot describe. Admittedly, tears were welling up. And then it happened. They played, La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, means I Love You and I was done. DONE. I got up, walked into my room, grabbed my phone and called the 800 number. I never call 800 numbers. Ok, maybe not never. I used to when I was a girl. I’d see something on TV that I wanted, call the number, and cajole my father into sending a check to the P.O. Box. The best score was the Hey Minnie album. But I digress.

Here I was, on the phone with Janet and I was getting got and I had no way to stop it. That was, of course, until the woman on the phone told me that 11 CD’s could cost me $180 bucks. And then, my bubble was burst. I was down off the cloud. For a moment, at least.

Ahem. Morning Inspiration, where are you?

I wanted to cry. Instead I laughed. It was pretty funny. I called my mom and she laughed with me and assured me that she had most of the songs on the collection and that I could burn them from her. I also realized that I could make a list of the songs and slowly but surely build up my own collection on iTunes that would cost far lest than $180 bucks. That part of the crisis was averted...but there was still the issue of my heart.

Is this your idea of Morning Inspiration?

Even as I am writing this, I recognize that the Sweet Soul of the Seventies commercial was indeed morning inspiration. To make a long story really short, I lost the love of my life about three years ago—we are both alive and well, just not together. When I started my theological education, I buried myself in theology and books and papers and ideas. My heart was inactive. As time passed, I buried myself deeper, and my heart grew a thick skin over it: perhaps to protect it; perhaps to preserve it. The skin grew so thick that I could no longer feel my heart. I didn’t know if it was still capable of fluttering. I didn’t know if it was still capable of giving. I didn’t know if it was still capable of receiving. I didn’t know.

Over the past few months—after years of engaging my mind and attempting to re-engage my body—my heart has been making its presence known. It started with a third grade type giggly girl crush in Tennessee over the summer. I could feel the layers being removed. But now, with more going on than I care to blog about at the moment, the layers that had built up around my heart have been completely removed.

My mentor teaches that “body is soul perceived by the senses.” I believe that heart is soul. Zora Neale Hurston once wrote that, “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” Heart crawling out from its hiding place. Heart making itself known. Heart giving and receiving. Heart beating.

And yes, I am especially sentimental; Love is doing its thing in me; I am tired and vulnerable; I am ready for the warmth and life and newness of spring; and in the words of India Aire, I am ready for love. The Sweet Soul of the Seventies commercial woke me up and breathed into me.

Ahhhhh, Morning Inspiration...

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