'Twas the Night Before My Final Day of Classes in Seminary...

and I cannot believe I made it this far...

and I know that I've only come this far by faith...

and I am basking in the wonderfulness that is my life...

and I am grateful to God for all of this wonderfulness...

and I have three assignments between me and graduation...

and I must stop blogging so I can go finish one of the three (final sermon due tomorrow)...

but I must first say that I know that I know that I know that I am a preacher...

and I also know that I am not yet the preaching woman that I will become...

but I am grateful for the preaching woman that I have blossomed into...

and I've cried more tears in the last few days than I did in my first semester at Drew...

and these are tears of joy and hope rather than tears of frustration, despair, and loneliness...

because I know that I haven't walked this journey alone...

Because I haven't walked this journey alone, I must give God thanks for the cloud of witnesses that have been by my side—whether present or in spirit—as I have walked this walk. I don't want to name any for fear of forgetting just one. I am grateful for those who have sustained me, prayed with me, studied with me, hugged me, cried with me, listened to me, taught me, mentored me, challenged me, shared meals with me, walked with me, talked with me, sat with me, shopped with me, and preached with me. I am grateful for those who have conspired with me, aspired with me, and inspired me. I am grateful for those women and men who have paved the way for me. I am grateful even for those who will come after me.

'Twas the night before my final day of classes in Seminary and I am grateful!

Hiatus...

hiatus |hīˈātəs|noun ( pl. -tuses ) [usu. in sing. ]a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process :

Friends, I am going on a blogging hiatus for three weeks. Really, it is more than that. I'm taking a break from all unnecessary usage of technology—Facebook, TV(except news), telephone, etc—so that I can still myself and reconnect with God. I am also taking this time to buckle down and focus on my schoolwork. My desire is to have a strong finish and right here, right now, I feel myself losing footing. I'm also taking this time to embark on a new endeavor--something I will report in about when I return. So, as the good church folk say, "Pray for me as I continue to pray for you."

Peace, until next time,

Donna Olivia

Think on These Things...

I find, in being black, a thing of beauty:

a joy; a strength; a secret cup of gladness.

Words: Ossie Davis

Images: Chester Higgins, Jr.

A Blessing in the Press?

For the past couple of days I have been suffering from a major case of the Idon'tfeellikeits. Major. Anyway, for the most part, I have managed to do most of what needed to be done, giving myself permission to skip work, cancel my hair appointment, and reschedule a few meetings. What helped yesterday was that it was a day off from my running program (and an unexpected visit from a friend with whom I had a girlie day in the Short Hills Mall). So, whether I felt like it or not, I didn't have to go to the gym yesterday.

Today, however, was a different story. I managed to make it through the day alright--alert in class, semi-alert in chapel, attentive to my readings, and engaged in theological discourse with Rev. Dr. Gary Simpson about Black church culture and the high devilology (I made that word up, but essentially it refers to a doctrine of the devil) that has been racking my soul these days. I even managed to be alert and participate in my preaching class. But, if I can be honest, the Idon'tfeellikeits began rising up halfway through preaching class. From about 5:30 to 7:00pm I was scheming, trying to figure out how I could rearrange my schedule so I wouldn't have to run tonight. After some encouragement from my classmates and the realization that it would be nearly impossible given my busy weekend (without another running day off until Monday), I decided to go to the gym. But friends, I purposed in my heart not to enjoy it.

An hour later, I was feeling much better. It wasn't my fastest run, nor did I have my best form, but I was there. I was there! The Idon'tfeellikeits did not get the best of me! I was there! I completed my second week of training toward establishing a 30 minute running habit. I was there! As we say in church, I pressed my way. And friends, though I may not know yet what it is, I am sure that there was and is a blessing in the press.

Checking In...

I don't have much time to write, but I just wanted to stop by and check in. This has been a wonder-filled, event-filled week.

The week started with an awesome worship experience at the Union Baptist Church in Morristown. Even before the welcome to visitors I had been bathed in the presence of the Holy Spirit who was obviously uninterested in the fact that I had on very black mascara.

On Tuesday I started classes and I'm pretty darned excited about the semester.I have some heavy hitting professors: Morris Davis for Church History 2 (who's got intellectual swag like none other), Traci West (ethicist par excellence), Althea Spencer Miller (ill Bible scholar with a West Indian flair), Gary Simpson (preacher's preacher), and Maxine Beach (the dopest Dean I've ever had).

I've run five (yes, one, two, three, four, five) times in between classes and work. I've made pro status in Wii bowling. And, since the scales don't lie, I've lost five (yes, one, two, three, four, five) pounds since the beginning of the year.

I've also chatted with friends, cooked and eaten foods made with the freshest of ingredients, slept, fought off a cold, and watched a few episodes of Law and Order SVU. In many ways, I feel like I'm living the balance I talked about at the beginning of the summer. It feels good. And when I look in the mirror I see my glow. It's coming from the inside. I don't know about you, but for me, when I take care of myself, my whole self, I tend to glow. In all honesty, I had lost it. Thanks be to God I'm getting it back, more resplendent than ever, as I wrap things up at Drew.

Well, that's all for now. I've got to go stir my homemade chicken and shells soup before getting into my homework for the week. Until next time, be well!

Think on These Things...

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...& sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith."

Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Margaret Shepherd

Image taken from http://miketodd.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c65c453ef010536d4981b970c-800wi)

Think on these things...

So, as I was ironing my clothes yesterday, I noticed the writing on the label sewn into the dress I was about to put on. Even though I opted to put on another outfit, I was affirmed; I was reminded. In the words of the songwriter, "I believed it, I received it, I claimed it, It's mine..." Let it be yours too...

If I had known then what I know now, I would have...

Today, as I lapped around the walking track built above the gym in the YMCA in Mount Vernon, I listened to and watched a group of boisterous (some might say wild) chocolate children having relay races. I watched them with awe, amazed by their energy. I watched them with envy, wishing I could sprint and laugh and leap the way that they did. I watched them with a sense of regret, mourning the loss of such moments in my own childhood where I was either too scared or lazy or insecure to do such things. Truth be told, I didn't learn to hula-hoop until I was 33 and I still cannot do a cartwheel. Anyway, as I walked and ran and looked at the children playing I found myself filling in the blank of this statement: If I had known then what I know now, I would have...

I don't condone or suggest living a life of regret. I am who I am. I did what I did. I did not do some things, and frankly I cannot change that. Perhaps, even, it wasn't for me to do. I mean, would I be the scholar (adult word for nerd) that I am had I been interested more in athletics than books? I don't know. But yet this statement still lingers, begging to be answered. Here are some of the things I would have done differently if I had the wisdom I have now. So, if I knew then what I know now, I would have...

Really committed my life to Christ the first time around.
Taken naps in kindergarten.
Given my all in gym class.
Saved my MJ pleather pocketbook from 2nd grade.

Taken notes everytime my grandfather spoke.

Told my truth a lot sooner than I did.

Done cartwheels without fear.

There is probably more. Even still, I know that every experience--every high place and every low place--has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am also grateful that I serve a God of second and third and fourth chances. In fact, although I'm not making resolutions (it is more like purposing to live life on purpose with purpose) I will do a cartwheel before 2010 comes to a close! Happy New Year!

image taken from http://www.urbanspirit.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/cartwheel.jpg

Baby it's Cold Outside...

It is 29º and I am about to go walking. Why, you ask? (amid thoughts of "girl, are you crazy, it's below freezing" and "you must smoke that good CRACK.") Well, because among other things, I committed this year to taking care of myself in the midst of book reading, thought thinking, and paper writing. So far, so good. I hit a couple of bumps in the road when big papers were due, but for the most part I've kept my workout schedule even when I traveled to South Carolina, Texas, and Tennessee. I've lost 15lbs since September and I'm halfway to getting my body to feel and look like it did when I attended my orientation at Drew 2.5 years ago. I'm doing it slowly and surely. I am cooking more, and eating less (using a salad plate for dinner)but I haven't gone to any crazy extremes. I tried, but I love food—rich food—too much! (In fact, I'm still eating my Atlanta Bread Company chcolate chip cookies because I loooove them so much!)

Oh, I almost forgot...Back to being outdoors in the freezing cold. I could go to the gym. We even have an indoor track on campus. But the gym bores me. Plus I could be in the gym for 6.5 minutes and feel like I've been there forever. For me, there is something about being outside—beholding the beauty of God's creation, breathing fresh (albeit cold) air, seeing people, scouting out deer (and being afraid when I see them), and the change of scenery (even when you walk down the same block two days in a row). So, I will head outside. Perhaps the wind died down some from yesterday. That is my prayer. Also, as much as the gym bores me—it is my safe haven when it is raining and/or snowing. It will be the place to be when the winter really sets in. Plus, there are squash courts at the gym. Squash makes me happy (even though I look crazy playing and I play by my own rules).

And I'm into alternative exercise these days. I'm not talking pole dancing classes (which are all the rage, but the womanist and Jesus in me won't let me do it). I've taken to hula-hooping lately. I'm not talking about hula-hooping like we used to do it on the playground back in the day. (OK, maybe I was one of those Black girls who couldn't hula-hoop back in the day, but watch me now!) The motion is the same, but I dare some third-grade sassy girl with asymmetrical afro puffs to try to work with the hoop I have. For one, its giant. (But hey, I'm a big girl now. Plus experts say adults should use bugger hoops than kids.) Secondly, it is weighted and has these massaging/digestion aiding thingies (several advanced degrees later I still use the word) on the inside of the hoop (see image above). I hula-hoop while listening to my Rock Steady Radio station on Pandora. I hula-hoop while watching Law & Order reruns. I hula-hoop while visioning my future. I hula-hoop. In 2010—watch out world—thanks to a generous Christmas present from my momma (why my mom cannot keep secrets about gifts is yet another blog) I will be Wii and Wii Fitting it to good health.

But until then, I'm heading out to walk and breath. But first, let me put on my thermal underwear and headphone earmuffs. Baby, it's cold outside!

Think on these things...

I came across this Haiku written by Sonia Sanchez yesterday. It is from the book titled, Like the Singing Coming Off the Drums. Think on these things...

what is done is done

what is not done is not done

let it go...like the wind.

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay...

In 1967, just days before his death, Otis Redding recorded the following lyrics:

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Well, this evening, after a long day at work and a difficult reentry in the world of exercise, I sat in the backyard in a swing close to the lake and just watched. I wasn't alone. Jack, a three-year old beautiful black lab was sitting next to me as I stroked his head and told him about my day. As we were sitting, instinctively I began singing that Otis Redding tune. I sang it a few rounds until it dawned on me; I wasn't wasting time. 

At that moment I had a revelation. My spirit echoed the words of Habbakuk: But the LORD is in His holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him (2:19-20). As I sat, looking out on the lake, I was overwhelmed by the presence of God. The trees, the lake, the vast sky, and everything else in my view was in fact the temple of the Lord. I had been talking with Jack, but I got quiet. My head got quiet. My heart got quiet. My soul got quiet. There was a stillness that is reserved only for the reverence of Almighty God. 

I wasn't wasting time. I must admit, I have bought into the lie that if I am not doing something that I am wasting time. Well, my definition of doing 'something' has changed. Even as I sat there, seemingly doing nothing, I was acknowledging Almighty God. In that moment, I  actually discovered time. It was a time like none other. It was devotion time. It was prayer time. It was worship time. It was praise time. So I sat, and took it in. And Jack did too!

Change of Tune...

            The tune to which my life plays out has always been do be do be do...  In other words, I am a doer. Anyone who knows me, well or peripherally, knows that I am a doer. I won't go into all of my doing here (my head will start to hurt), but let's just say in the last year I've had seven or eight simultaneous jobs while carrying 15 credits at school. I am a doer. Sometimes I wonder why I do so much. Perhaps it is people pleasing. Perhaps it is restlessness. Perhaps I do not know how to say no. Perhaps it is the way I understand my value as a child of God/human being. Perhaps I need a change of tune.  

            In fact, Dr. Heather Elkins would say that I need to change my tune, so "be-ing" comes before do-ing. Be do be do be... It sounds awkward. It seems out of step. I'll have to learn a new dance, but  apparently, that is the memo that God has been sending me over the last two months. God has been whispering and shouting, in the day and night, through written word and song, in my heart and from the mouths of others that I need to be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10). I am fully aware that I am moving into a new season in my life, where being still and knowing God is the order of the day. It is a new thing for me, but I am confident that it is the right thing for me. So, I've pared down my class schedule, my jobs, and my extracurricular activities. I am going into the Fall just be-ing, so I can discern what God would have for me to be do-ing.

            Here is where God's wicked sense of humor comes in...Yesterday, my roommate and I were running errands. On our way back into our apartment, we stopped in the foyer at a box of books. Being the book junkie that I am, I had already scavenged the box for good finds. (one such find was Loving the Body: Black Religious Studies and the Erotic edited by Dr. Anthony Pinn and Dr. Dwight Hopkins.) She wanted to stop and take a peak, so we did. As I looked through again, I noticed a book that I had not seen on my first hunt. I picked it up and chuckled to myself. Thoughts danced in my head: Ok, God, I get it! OK, God, I'm going to slow down. OK, God, you win! OK, God, be-ing, be-ing, be-ing! The book that I held in my hands (that is now in the suitcase I will take with me to Tennessee) is Mediations for Women Who Do Too Much by Anne Wilson Schaef.  

Just in case I did not get it, God sent a message loudly and clearly—a message that I can meditate on 365 days of the year.