Speechless...

A cop out, I know. But I want you to know that I am here. My direction has changed a bit. I have been enjoying God, my life, my husband, my family, and my church.. I have been taking it all in. I have been living so as to have something to write about. But for now, I am...

speechless |ˈspē ch lis|

adjective

unable to speak, esp. as the temporary result of shock or some strong emotion : he was speechless with rage.

• unable to be expressed in words : surges of speechless passion.

Musings on Love and Accessories.

One of my professors from Howard sent me a message on Facebook recently. He has known me for a long time and seen me through much as I struggled with my identity as an African-American woman living in America. He lived the lows with me and now recognizes the high that I am currently living. He said, "I am glad that you have grown to love yourself so much that it is contagious." What he didn't know from me telling him, but could intuit from seeing my photos (his work is taking and analyzing of photographs), was that I had fallen madly in love with myself (and that I was also madly in love with God). A wonderful change had taken place on the inside that was evident on the outside. It manifested itself in the smallest of things:wearing make-up to 9am classes because I wanted to, keeping my hair done because I like the way it looks when it is done, working out and shedding a few pounds to get healthy, loving my body and being truly content in a size 14, and graduating summa cool nerdy because this is who I am. I believe that part of the reason my hubby fell for me (and could love me authentically) was because I had fallen for me and I was finally living the lyrics of Mary J. Blige's song, "Take me as I am, or have nothing at all..."

Another Facebook friend of mine, upon seeing one of my wedding photos, expressed, "Love is the best accessory." While I think that love is more than an accessory, I will admit that love looks good on me. But the truth is love, real love, looks good on everyone...

Her comment made me think about other accessories that look good on me. I can recall a few years ago after buying my first (of many) Nars All-in-One Bronzer Stick (in Palm Beach), I was glowing. People noticed it and I was convinced that the Holy Spirit had blessed my make-up. All jokes aside, there are some things that I absolutely love. I am not going to be dramatic and say I can't live without them (because I can), but they do make me look and feel good. My latest fall must-haves are...

Johnson's Baby Oil Gel (Shea Butter)

I have been spending a good amount of time in the sun; My aunt calls me a fudgesicle! To keep my glow glowing, I have been using John's Baby Oil Gel in Shea Butter. It is light and makes my skin look and feel amazing (perhaps like a baby's bottom, lol). I also like it because it lasts. I have used other gels, namely Vaseline Intensive Care, but this one looks good, feels good, and lasts a long time.

Essie Nail Polish in Chinchilly

I have been trying to keep my nails done recently. For one, I love the way it feels when someone massages my hands. Secondly, I love the way my hands look when they are manicured. Lastly, with this beautiful ring on my finger, I'd hate to make it look bad with ragged cuticles and chipped polish. And so, I have made it a practice to get regular manicures. The artist in me wants to wear funky blues and greens and oranges on my nails. The preacher in me knows that people are paying attention to the details and will form opinions based on minor things. The woman in me is interested in finding my place, my niche, my thing. So, in my most recent visit to the salon, upon seeing Essie's Chinchilly, it was as if God made a color to satisfy the artist, preacher woman that I am. Chincilly is a beautiful grey, with a faint purple undertone. It is at once sophisticated and fun! It is neutral without being boring. It is me all the way! And you know what? After seeing it on my hands (and feet) for the first time I did something I've never done before. I purchased a bottle so that I would always be guaranteed to have my Chinchilly!

Bobbi Brown Cosmetics Black Velvet Collection

Last week, during a leisurely walk through Lord and Taylor (ha!) a friend and I were taken aback by the beautiful new make-up colors by Bobbi Brown. As we marveled, a make-up artist (and sales associate) walked over and began to engage us in casual conversation. And then she did it. She asked if I wanted to try the shadow that I was drooling over. She's good, I thought. I couldn't resist, so in a matter of seconds I was sitting in the chair with Laurie making me over. Of course, she didn't stop at my eyes. Let's see how it looks with the lipstick you like. Before I knew it, I was at the checkout counter purchasing Blackberry eyeshadow, Black Kohl Eye Liner (that slides on like buttah), and Black Garnet lipstick. I must admit, I don't regret that leisurely stroll at all. The make-up is perfect for day and night and complements my skin wonderfully.

All that is to say, find what works for you and wear it well. Most of all, clothe yourself in love...I guarantee it will look good on you!

Rain, Rain Go Away...

Today's post is titled, "Rain, Rain Go Away..."

It could also be titled "Can someone beg, borrow, or steal me some motivation..."

Or, perhaps it could simply, and aptly, be titled, "Blah, blah, blah..."

I am sitting in my fourth office—Panera—forcing myself to get my Church History 2 midterm completed. Let's be clear, the exam is in no way, shape, or form difficult. I just don't have the "stuff" in me to plow through it. I've got a case of the blues. Not really the blues, because I'm not sad about anything in particular. Really, I'm suffering more from a case of the grays.

After spending five days in the beautiful North Kakakala sunshine, I returned to NJ along with a threat of rain. Well, it seems that that threat was real because it has been raining for three days straight. Something's gotta give. Even Jesus got up after three days. Yet it seems there is another day of rain ahead of us, and so it seems I am stuck with another day of feeling downright blechy.

But I cannot afford to be held down by the blahs. I have people to see (Aloma is in NY from Hawaii this weekend), phone calls to return (I'm about two days away from being disowned by my sister and niece), work to do (CH2 midterm, Shack sermon, and tons of reading for Africana Hermeneutics), and I have art to make (Arts of Respect contest and...). So I got up early, showered, got dressed and made my way out the door. I figured being out of the house, and as far away from my bed as possible, would make for a productive day. Only time will tell. Truth is, I was ready to turn around, head back home, slip back into my PJ's and go to sleep after being on the road for 3 minutes. Even now, as I productively procrastinate—what you might call blogging—I am ready to go home and call it a day. But I am here, with the Reformation Reader staring at me, and in a way, that is all that matters...

Despite all that is looming above and ahead, all I can seem to focus on are the clouds looming above and the rain that is steadily pouring down. (Note to self: Don't sit next to a window in Panera when it is raining and you have work to do.) Sadly, this rain has also led me to break my coffee fast. Today I had my first cup of (regular) coffee since the end of last semester. I am hoping, praying, wishing that the caffeine kicks in and the midterm will be miraculously write itself using my fingers as a vessel.

So I will sit here until the work is done or until they kick me out...

whichever comes first...

If I had known then what I know now, I would have...

Today, as I lapped around the walking track built above the gym in the YMCA in Mount Vernon, I listened to and watched a group of boisterous (some might say wild) chocolate children having relay races. I watched them with awe, amazed by their energy. I watched them with envy, wishing I could sprint and laugh and leap the way that they did. I watched them with a sense of regret, mourning the loss of such moments in my own childhood where I was either too scared or lazy or insecure to do such things. Truth be told, I didn't learn to hula-hoop until I was 33 and I still cannot do a cartwheel. Anyway, as I walked and ran and looked at the children playing I found myself filling in the blank of this statement: If I had known then what I know now, I would have...

I don't condone or suggest living a life of regret. I am who I am. I did what I did. I did not do some things, and frankly I cannot change that. Perhaps, even, it wasn't for me to do. I mean, would I be the scholar (adult word for nerd) that I am had I been interested more in athletics than books? I don't know. But yet this statement still lingers, begging to be answered. Here are some of the things I would have done differently if I had the wisdom I have now. So, if I knew then what I know now, I would have...

Really committed my life to Christ the first time around.
Taken naps in kindergarten.
Given my all in gym class.
Saved my MJ pleather pocketbook from 2nd grade.

Taken notes everytime my grandfather spoke.

Told my truth a lot sooner than I did.

Done cartwheels without fear.

There is probably more. Even still, I know that every experience--every high place and every low place--has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am also grateful that I serve a God of second and third and fourth chances. In fact, although I'm not making resolutions (it is more like purposing to live life on purpose with purpose) I will do a cartwheel before 2010 comes to a close! Happy New Year!

image taken from http://www.urbanspirit.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/cartwheel.jpg

Think on these things...

I came across this Haiku written by Sonia Sanchez yesterday. It is from the book titled, Like the Singing Coming Off the Drums. Think on these things...

what is done is done

what is not done is not done

let it go...like the wind.

Musings: Flu, Celebration, Shalom, & Kendra

Much has happened since I last blogged. I got the flu. You know the kind. The "end of semester" kind of flu. The "my body thinks it has permission to shut down" kind of flu. The "take a box of tissues to your ethics exam" kind of flu. The "I don't care if you have to preach 900 miles away" kind of flu. 

But the flu has flown, so I need not dwell there. There is much to celebrate: I finished my second year in Seminary. (Yeah!) I delivered the message at the Esther/Jeptha youth service in Albemarle, NC on Saturday. (Yeah!) I hung out with my best friend who I haven't seen since March. (Yeah, and see picture!). I had a fabulous time traveling with my mother. (Double Yeah!) 

I'm switching gears from spring to summer, which for me means packing up my room and getting ready for my time with the Shalom Zone in Gallatin, TN. I packed up my books last night, so the majority of my packing is done. I received my Shalom books in the mail. I bought some dresses to keep me cool in Gallatin. I made it through Shalom training. I booked my air travel to Nashville. I also reserved a rental car. My summer is moving full steam ahead.

But until then, I have some celebrations around my niece's college graduation. I cannot believe how fast she's grown and how amazing she is. I remember being in fourth grade, days before she was born, telling Neville Gibson (RIP) that he could be her godfather. Who would have known that Neville would only live long enough for her to turn 3 years old. Who would have known that she would have grown into such a gifted woman, especially after dilk and bites (that was Kendra talk for milk and grapes). She is so fresh that I look forward to our collabos, where words and art intersect to transform the world.