I'm wishing on a star...

The vast sky over Tennessee was a sight to behold last night. I'm from the concrete jungle and have been an apartment dweller all of my life, so it is rare that I see stars. The closet thing to stars I see are planes making their descent into Laguardia or Kennedy airports. Well, I saw the stars last night. The stars last night were declaring the glory of God. The stars last night sang me a love song. The stars last night, in the words of Darius Lovehall in Love Jones, "opened my eyes to the possibilities of a thing."They beckoned me to stay a little while longer.  They were brilliant. Resplendent, even. Last night I saw the Big Dipper (clearly and without a doubt). And at thirty-three years old, I saw my first shooting star. It was a night to remember.

I quickly made a wish. It wasn't hard to think of. In fact, it had been lingering in my mind, in my heart, and on my tongue for the last few days, months, and years. After I made my wish, I marveled and asked the folks around me, "Did you see that?" One did. He looked up, smiled and affirmed my sighting. Secretly, I wondered if he made a wish. I wondered what he wished for. He is a native Tennessean and is used to seeing the stars put on their show. Shooting stars may be such a regular occurrence to him that wish making isn't part of his experience with shooting stars. Whatever the case is for him, I know that in that moment I had become enchanted and hopeful. That night sky opened up the opportunity for worship. That shooting star become a moment of prayer. For a moment, everything stopped—sound, time, space—and I was at the altar of the Lord. That shooting star altered me. I am forever changed. 

As I drove home from my star gazing, I recalled the stories I'd heard about shooting stars when I was younger. Not the science of shooting stars—the fact that they are small, quick burning meteors—but the romanticized myth of shooting stars. We all know that I am a hopeless romantic. If my memory serves me correctly, shooting stars are supposed to be good luck. They are like birthday candles; They are used to invoke wishes. Well, I am convinced that God heard my invocation. Whether by shooting stars, birthday candles, or on bended knee, be sure to be enchanted by God and hopeful that He hears and answers the prayers of those who delight in Him (Psalm 37:4)

(image taken from kstp.com/kstpImages/ ShootingStar2.jpg)

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay...

In 1967, just days before his death, Otis Redding recorded the following lyrics:

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Well, this evening, after a long day at work and a difficult reentry in the world of exercise, I sat in the backyard in a swing close to the lake and just watched. I wasn't alone. Jack, a three-year old beautiful black lab was sitting next to me as I stroked his head and told him about my day. As we were sitting, instinctively I began singing that Otis Redding tune. I sang it a few rounds until it dawned on me; I wasn't wasting time. 

At that moment I had a revelation. My spirit echoed the words of Habbakuk: But the LORD is in His holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him (2:19-20). As I sat, looking out on the lake, I was overwhelmed by the presence of God. The trees, the lake, the vast sky, and everything else in my view was in fact the temple of the Lord. I had been talking with Jack, but I got quiet. My head got quiet. My heart got quiet. My soul got quiet. There was a stillness that is reserved only for the reverence of Almighty God. 

I wasn't wasting time. I must admit, I have bought into the lie that if I am not doing something that I am wasting time. Well, my definition of doing 'something' has changed. Even as I sat there, seemingly doing nothing, I was acknowledging Almighty God. In that moment, I  actually discovered time. It was a time like none other. It was devotion time. It was prayer time. It was worship time. It was praise time. So I sat, and took it in. And Jack did too!

He guided me to Tennessee...

I believe I was in ninth grade when Tennessee came out. It was the first single released by Arrested Development. I was attracted to them as a group—the language, the history, the sociology, the anthropology, the activism, the truth, the justice, and the love that deeply shaped their experience, and consequently, their lyrics. (I must note, I also LOVED their bohemian, pre-dirty backpacker sense of style.) In some ways, these lyrics are apropos for this leg of my journey. (I’m writing this as I sit in my connecting flight from Charlotte to Nashville.) 

Lord I've really been real stressed

Down and out, losin ground

Although I am black and proud

Problems got me pessimistic

Brothers and sisters keep messin up

Why does it have to be so damn tuff?

I don't know where I can go

To let these ghosts out of my skull

Last year, I was quite stressed, navigating my way through ministry (church work, school work, work work). I’ve seen and heard some things that have caused me great distress: communities in despair, hopelessness, insecurity, lovelessness, and injustice. I’m not pessimistic, but I certainly do need a place/time to, as Speech of Arrested Development said, “let these ghosts out of my skull.” Decompression. Journaling. Reflection. 

My grandmas past, my brothers gone

I never at once felt so alone

I have been blessed with meaningful relationships this year, both at Drew and beyond, so I cannot say that loneliness is an issue. Though distance separates us, I’ve grown closer with my mother, praise be to God. Through prayer, intentional time to cultivate a relationship, I’ve grown closer to God. At times I’ve had moments of loneliness, but generally, I have felt both connected to God and the folks in my life. Feeling lonely is rather tough when you live in a house with two amazing women of God!

I know you're supposed to be my steering wheel

Not just my spare tire (home)

But lord I ask you (home)

To be my guiding force and truth 

For some strange reason it had to be

He guided me to Tennessee

But still, I’ve been doing much of the steering in my life. I, too, want the Lord to lead me and guide me, to order my steps. Actually, I know that He already has ordered my steps. Truth is, I want to walk in those paths of mercy and truth, purpose and destiny, that God has ordained and planned for me.

So going to Tennessee is as much about my own Shalom as it is about the Shalom of the people in Gallatin. It has to be that way, especially considering that we are woven together in, what Dr. King calls, “an inescapable garment of destiny.” As I move forward in my “being still” and listening attentively to God about my current and next steps, I am confident that the place where revelation and metamorphosis will happen is in Tennessee. For some strange reason, He guided me to Tennessee…

It is strange in that it a new experience, a place I’ve never been before, people I’ve never interacted with. By definition, to be strange is to generate a feeling of uneasiness and to cause one to be unsettled. Tennessee is strange in the newness of it all, but I’m not unsettled. I am trusting God.

©Image taken on US Airways FLight 1021 en route to Nashville, Tennessee

© Tennessee by Arrested Development, 1991.

Musings: Flu, Celebration, Shalom, & Kendra

Much has happened since I last blogged. I got the flu. You know the kind. The "end of semester" kind of flu. The "my body thinks it has permission to shut down" kind of flu. The "take a box of tissues to your ethics exam" kind of flu. The "I don't care if you have to preach 900 miles away" kind of flu. 

But the flu has flown, so I need not dwell there. There is much to celebrate: I finished my second year in Seminary. (Yeah!) I delivered the message at the Esther/Jeptha youth service in Albemarle, NC on Saturday. (Yeah!) I hung out with my best friend who I haven't seen since March. (Yeah, and see picture!). I had a fabulous time traveling with my mother. (Double Yeah!) 

I'm switching gears from spring to summer, which for me means packing up my room and getting ready for my time with the Shalom Zone in Gallatin, TN. I packed up my books last night, so the majority of my packing is done. I received my Shalom books in the mail. I bought some dresses to keep me cool in Gallatin. I made it through Shalom training. I booked my air travel to Nashville. I also reserved a rental car. My summer is moving full steam ahead.

But until then, I have some celebrations around my niece's college graduation. I cannot believe how fast she's grown and how amazing she is. I remember being in fourth grade, days before she was born, telling Neville Gibson (RIP) that he could be her godfather. Who would have known that Neville would only live long enough for her to turn 3 years old. Who would have known that she would have grown into such a gifted woman, especially after dilk and bites (that was Kendra talk for milk and grapes). She is so fresh that I look forward to our collabos, where words and art intersect to transform the world.