What TIme is It?

In my very second week of my Liturgy course at Drew Theological Seminary with Dr. Heather Elkins she asked a poignant question: What Time is It? The answers ranged:

• Some said, "10:15am" noting the actual time on their watch.
• Some said, "Back to School" noting the time of year when students and teachers return to campus.
• Others said, "Ordinary Time" noting the period on the liturgical calendar not marked by a major event for the Church (ie. Advent, Passion, Easter, Pentecost)
• I said, "NOW" thinking about Jesus' words in the sixth chapter of Matthew's Gospel:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34 NIV, emphasis my own)


That was a little over five years ago, and while I—in theory—I am attracted to living in the present, I still have a tendency to focus on the past and future. While there is nothing inherently wrong with glancing on the past as a source of joy, comfort, strength, or learning, taking up residence in the past has a way of halting ones spiritual growth. And planning and future thinking, too, aren't wrong per se, but it is problematic to worry, fret, and become anxious what hasn't yet happened.

I noticed this just yesterday. I am in a prime place in my life: married to a wonderful man, mother to a beautiful daughter, able to move about with some sense of ease, poised to glorify God in ministry outside of my home, and yet I have been so anxious about the future. I would go as far to say that I've made an idol of my Drew Seminary self—a theological rock star of sorts—who should be preaching and teaching, and perhaps pastoring RIGHT NOW! And so, my "now" response then still haunts me.

After asking us the time, Dr. Elkins asserted the following thought: Technologies of time are often our theologies about God. In other words, how we understand time shapes our theology about God. In my stewing over the past and being anxious about the future, I am making a profoundly theological statement that God is not trustworthy. Heavy. Which I know is not true. God is absolutely trustworthy and faithful.  So why is this ordained-minister-blood bought believer lady behaving like a practicing atheist?

The answer lies in social constructs of time that I have allowed to shape who I am and how I move in the world. What would it mean for me, for any or all of us, to rest into now without concern for the future. To let the future unfold as a series of God given nows. What would it mean for me, and you, to move away from arbitrary time-marked milestones in favor? Really, if I don't have my PhD by 40 is something cataclysmic going to happen. (Cue suspenseful music) What would it mean to embrace the time that we are in—whatever that time may be—and let it be used for our good and God's glory?

For me, it would be extremely liberating. It would give me time to think. Time to pray. Time to move. Time to dream. Time to laugh. Time to be with myself and others. Time to create. Time to play. Time to walk. Time to run. Which, when its all said and done, that's what my time here on earth is all about anyway. It would be a life not bound by what I should be doing, but modeled after Jesus very being as the Great I Am.

Another great preacher understood time in this way:

 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NIV)

Beloved, what time is it?

Portals Into God's Presence: Kum Ba Yah

I am laying in my bed, sick. A little over a week ago, Baby Girl brought home her first gift from daycare. She joyfully gave it to her father, but I managed to avoid it. Until now. I felt it coming on yesterday afternoon. I tried to fight it with Nyquil last night. The Nyquil knocked me out, but did absolutely nothing for my cold. So, here I am in bed and my hearts prayer is out hymn for the day: Kum Ba Yah.

Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's crying, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's crying, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's crying, my Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's singing, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's singing, my Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's singing, my Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya;

Someone's praying, Lord, kum bay ya,

O Lord, kum bay ya.

Kum Ba Yah, is Gullah (Creole language of former slaves from South Carolina) for Come By Here. Although the term Kumbaya has been recently used in irreverent and cynical tones, I understand it as seriously and sanctified. If you are standing in the need of God's presence, peace, and power, the song Kum Ba Yah is an invocation: Come by here, Lord. As I lay here in bed--needing a healing touch from the hand of God—my soul is singing:

Someone's sick, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's sick, Lord, Kum ba yah!
Someone's sick, Lord, Kum ba yah!
O Lord, Kum ba yah!

Video: Soweto Gospel Choir from YouTube

The Benefits of Daycare (This Mother's Perspective)

I am keenly aware that I am writing this post from a place of privilege. It is the middle of the day and I am sitting in Panera Bread enjoying lunch and being with my thoughts while Baby Girl is (most likely) fighting her nap at daycare. Many women do not have this luxury. For sure, I desire to work outside the home—to live into the fullness of God's calling on my life—but for now I have not found or been found by the place where God would have for me to settle. Until then, she goes to daycare and learns and plays while mommy prepares for the next move. With the exception of hiccups around nap time, daycare has been good for us. Yes, I said us. Having Baby Girl in daycare has been good for me. Let me share with you three ways I have been blessed by this experience:

1. I have been able to reconnect with myself and what lights my fire. These last few weeks have afforded me the opportunity to move through life at a different pace. I spend the first part of my day—before Hubby and Baby Girl wake up—energizing my soul in prayer, Scripture reading, and preparing breakfast to Gospel music. After Baby Girl's needs are tended to and she is at school, I spend about an hour or so energizing my body. Three days a week I run at the park in preparation for the Trenton Half Marathon and 10K on November 9th. On the other days I go to the gym for my Body Works plus Abs and Yoga classes. Post-workout time is mostly spent doing something vocation related—sermon prep, blogging, job search, etc. Sitting down at my laptop to write has been amazing. It energizes me as much as prayer and running. 
2. I have been able to catch up on rest and housework. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I found it difficult to keep up my standards of a nice home while attending to my daughter's every need (and her needs are legion).  So, imagine my delight when I spent the first week of Baby Girl being in daycare cleaning the house. I organized the closet that had become the hub for any and everything under the sun. I deep cleaned the kitchen. I had the carpet deep cleaned. And not only have I done a thorough cleaning, I have been able to put myself on a schedule to keep the house in order. But cleaning wasn't the only place I had a hard time keeping up; I also found it difficult to rest. Even if I did have the chance to lay down in the middle of the day, my mind would race: to-do-list, fears about the future, etc. Like most mothers, I was running on fumes for a long time. And while I haven't used this time to lay in my pajamas all day, just yesterday I made an executive decision to rest. All day. After I dropped Baby Girl at daycare I skipped the gym and came straight home where I put my pajamas back on, got in the bed, and rested until it was time to pick her up. And guess what? I didn't feel guilty. Folks earn vacation days after working a certain amount of time. Surely I had put in enough work for fifteen months to earn one (or ten) days of doing absolutely nothing. 
3. I have learned to cherish my time with Baby Girl. I now fully understand the joy my husband feels with each moment he has with our girl. Not that I didn't love her deeply, but as a full-time, stay-at-home mom there was no time to miss her (and have her miss me). Things that delight my husband—like the ways she playfully rolls around on the floor begging to be tickled—had become mundane to me. Each day that I pick her up from daycare, I anticipate our time together. The fun of bath time has intensified. Her laughter excites me. I will admit, every moment is not blissful—molars coming in, anyone—but I have learned how to approach even the crankiness of teething with joy.

What I have learned in these months of motherhood is that every baby is different, every mom is different, and every family is different. While daycare may not work for some, it is working for us. And for that, I am extremely grateful. 

Full Disclosure: While writing this, three mothers with brand new babies have come into Panera Bread. My smile widened and my ovaries danced when I saw them. I think I'm coming down with a case of baby fever.... either that, or I'm missing my baby girl. Or both. 

Hymns: Portals in the Presence of God

For our first selection for Portals into the Presence of God, I thought it fitting to chose the hymn that is listed first in many major denominational hymnbooks. Holy, Holy. Holy was written by  Reginald Heber and John B. Hykes.

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!

Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee.

Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore thee,

casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea;

cherubim and seraphim falling down before thee,

which wert, and art, and evermore shalt be.

Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide thee,

though the eye of sinful man thy glory may not see,

only thou art holy; there is none beside thee,

perfect in power, in love and purity.

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!

All thy works shall praise thy name, in earth and sky and sea.

Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity.

From Time to Time Has a New Feature!!!!

If you follow this blog, you know that for as edgy and new school as I am, I have an old, old, soul. I may don a mohawk in the pulpit, but I've also been known to be posted up in a comfy chair, thumbing through my hymn book and humming along. I love when I come across a hymn whose tune I do not know with words that stir in my spirit. The hymns can be used for all aspects of worship—from prayer to instruction. Before I could comprehend Scripture, I would sing along to "Holy, Holy, Holy." Before I had my own words to pray, I would sing along to "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." When Baby Girl was just a baby girl, I would hold her in my arms and sing a worship medley that included "Blessed Assurance," "Great is Thy Faithfulness," and "Hold to God's Unchanging Hand." In fact, even now when she's fighting naps like a heavyweight champ, I sing those same hymns to calm her soul and lull her to sleep. The hymns have shaped my faith. They hymns ground me. For me, the hymns are portals into the very presence of God.  And so, allow me to introduce our latest feature... Hymns: Portals into the Presence of God. Each week, on Thursday, I will post the lyrics to a hymn and a YouTube video of my favorite rendition of that hymn. It is my prayer that you will be blessed and encouraged.

image taken from http://www.flickriver.com/photos/48975241@N07/6959664046/

I Have a Testimony

When I look back over my life and I think things over, I can truly say that I've been blessed. I have a testimony!

Rev. Clay Evans

I have a testimony. When I think about it—really think about it—God has been so, so good to me. I cannot tell it all. But that doesn't stop me from trying. God has brought me a mighty long way in so many areas of my life, including my journey to health and fitness. Thanks be to God, Minister Crystal Cochren (one of my sisters in ministry and founder of the My Faith and Fitness Blog) has given me a space to share the goodness of God as it relates to my faith and fitness. Check it out here.

And while on her site, be sure to read through her posts. You will surely be encouraged and blessed! So blessed in fact that you will want to take the time to vote for her. She's been nominated for a 2013 Black Weblog Award in the best faith based blog category. You can vote here.

By the way, I finally registered for the Trenton Half Marathon and 10K Race on Saturday, November 9, 2013. I am running with the Black Girls Run! Group. I am so excited! My excitement showed on the pavement today. I was super confident, fully embodied, and ran my fastest time yet! This race presents so many opportunities: Not only do I have the chance to trust God to do something in me I've always feared, I also have the chance to run with an amazing group of Black and Brown women who are totally committed to living healthy and whole lives. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will have a testimony to share after that race.

Think on These Things: I Found the Answer

As I prepared breakfast for Baby Girl on Monday, I could hear Mahalia Jackson's voice faintly in the distance:

I found the answer, I learned to pray,
O, with faith to guide me, I've found the way.
The sun is shining for me each day,
I found the answer, and I learned to pray.

This song ministered to me on Monday morning and continues to do so. I hope it blesses your soul as you go about life's journey.