Breaking News:Sporadic Writing Explained

Happy New Year to all!

(hey mom...I know you've been waiting)

First, let me explain, as best I can, my sporadic writing. Here is the back story: Some time ago I was in the presence of a fairly new bride (less than a year in the game) who had just had an argument with her husband. Her husband was no where around, but she was speaking with several others about the beef that they had. I remained silent, but in that moment I remember thinking, "Why isn't she talking with her man about this?" I vowed that once I was married, that the exchanges between my husband and I, for better or for worse, would remain between us. Let's say hubby and I have an argument about (fill in the blank) and we both get angry. Once my anger has faded and I have forgiven him for (fill in the blank), I would hate for my family/friends/blog readers/random lady at grocery store to look at him sideways. It is my responsibility to protect his credibility, and him mine. In fact, after he caught up on my blog yesterday we had this very conversation. We even chuckled about something I would NOT write on the blog.

I'm not saying it is going to be like this forever, but as a new bride who's vocation requires a good measure of confidentiality, I'm not quite sure what to write about. I could write about my new neighborhood, but there isn't much happening here. I could write about my new (beautiful) chocolate brown and seafoam curtains, but that's about all I could say about them. I could write about my "wedding fifteen" that I gained, but since I'm down three and this weight will soon be history, there's no story here. Oh, oh, oh, I know...I'll write about my new iPad!

It's Just Like the Water...

So, I have been thinking about this whole notion of rest, self-care, and balance since I last blogged. Truth is, I am way off balance. So much so that I get overwhelmed thinking about it. How do I get myself back to a place where I establish a routine that sustains me?

A week or so ago I spoke with a good girlfriend of mine—one who extends way more grace to me than I do to myself—who suggested I stop trying to do it all and start with baby steps. She asked, "What about the pool?" She knew I had purchased an aquajogger so that I could get my run on without hurting my joints. The pool was a great idea! It is a site of rest and renewal, where I can post up with a good book and some good tunes. However, it is also a place where I can work out. The pool it is.

But last night, after my massage, I couldn't help but think there had to be more. Perhaps my unrest was stirred up when Aiken—massage therapist extraordinaire—handed me a bottle of water when we were done. "Drink plenty of water," he said.

Drink plenty of water. He wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know, but his words struck me. Drink plenty of water. The water, after a massage, flushes toxins away. Drink plenty of water. In general, when I drink water consistently I feel and look better, inside and out: my skin glows, my organs are happy and my energy levels increase.

And so, as I make my way to the pool with my Intak thermos bottle filled with water in tow, I am reminded of the words of Ms. Lauryn Hill when she sang, "It's just like the water, I ain't felt this way in years..."

I Ran Anyway...

I woke at 5:58am today. The sun peeked into my window and beckoned me to get up.

"But I'm tired," I said.

And then I remembered the magazine clipping that sits on my desk: "If you think you'll have enough time to run tomorrow, remember you said that yesterday."

So I got up and put on my running gear. Have I mentioned that I am training for my first 10k (and that it has been over 3 years since I entered my last race)?

Out the door I went. About three deer and seven minutes into the run I realized that my Nike+ Sportsband was not on. Seven whole minutes. That's like an eternity to a tracker like me.

Anyway, I fire up my sports band (it's not that serious really, I just pressed the button) and walked another .15 miles before I started to run. My training program had me scheduled for a 5 mile run today. Truth be told, part of me didn't want to get out of bed and it wasn't because I was tired. Although I am training for a 10K, the thought of running 5 or 6 or more miles frightens me.

I ran anyway. I ran down Woodland Avenue to to mouth of the Giralda Farms loop. I kept going down Woodland towards Treadwell Avenue. No sweat, I thought to myself (ok,maybe I was sweating, but the run wasn't so bad). As I approached Treadwell it dawned on me that in order to get close to my 5 miles that I would have to race the hill that I've only conquered once.

I ran anyway. The hill, really two hills on one road, tried to take me out. As I made my way up the first hill my mind and heart were belting out a chorus of "Please Jesus" that was so loud it drowned out Soul II Soul playing on my iPod. On the second hill I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit several times, but I ran anyway. And, thanks be to God, there was an angel at the top of that hill who encouraged me to keep on going.

As I reached the top, a salt-and-pepper haired—rather handsome—white gentleman was running towards me. The racism and classism in Madison makes the "runner's hello" unpredictable at times.** I smile and speak anyway.

"Good Morning," I said as I threw up my hand to wave.

"Good Morning, nice work up that hill!" he replied.

"Thank you," I gushed. (Which he couldn't see because he was dusting me at that point.)

Nice work up that hill! Yes, it was nice work, wasn't it. His encouragement was just what I needed to keep me going. So I kept running and running and running. Five—one, two, three, four, five—miles later I was at my front door and I had never stopped running!

I ran anyway...and I felt great! I felt strong! I feel like these thighs that I demonized for years are doing things I never imagined that could do. I feel like I will be able to run my 10k with ease. Heck, maybe I'll train for a half marathon after the 10K. Race or no race, I'm going to run anyway...

**I meant to post this days ago but I was so caught up with getting stuff done for school. On my Saturday run, I saw a sistah (code word: Black Woman) running on the loop. Approaching most white women and some white men is always awkward because not everyone is either happy to see me or socially inept enough to smile and say hello. Well, this sistah and I gave each other a virtual hug as we passed each other the first time. It was like a family reunion. I knew what I was thinking...a Black woman in Madison (rare in and of itself)...running (Praise God!). She was doing it, too! She made me proud and inspired me to push harder. On the second passing I lifted my earbuds from my ear and said, "You don't know how glad I am to see you out running!"

"Me, too girl. Me, too!" she replied as she chuckled. Black Girls Run, you know. We really do!

image 2 is from April 2007, my last race before starting Seminary

image 1 is a screenshot from the Nike+ website showing this morning's run

In progress...

I am still here...I promise. I'm just trying to make it to tomorrow (my senior sermon & arts internship presentation).

I've been slack in reporting in since my hiatus. I've reached my weight loss goals, which this time around has become less about a number and more about a feeling. I love my body--my grown woman curvy body--which sustains me and carries me and is able to run with ease. I feel comfortable, for real, with who I am. My boyfriend *giggle* calls me a beautiful nerd. Yep, that's about right. (I call him a nerd lover.) I have made art, good art with by boy Jameel, over the last few weeks (and even entered a campus-wide arts contest in which we were chosen as finalists). I am embodying my preacher self and it shows. What I did not understand three years ago is starting to make some sense. Ahhhh, revelation. With 26 days until graduation, all is well with my soul. I feel good. In some ways I feel like I'm glowing.

To prove that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, here is a glimpse of my work. It is still in progress. My guiding question is, "what would it mean to consider human life, in general, and African-American female life, in particular, sacred text?" Notice the halos... I have been inspired by the form of the illuminated manuscript--an ancient tradition of making texts come alive.

The first image is a photograph of my mother, my sister, and me at my uncles wedding (circa 1977). The second image is a drawing that I've rendered of that image. I still have to add color and other details.

Once the work is done, presentation over, and body restored (aka I take a series of good naps) then I will post the entire body of work along with the artist statement.

Hiatus...

hiatus |hīˈātəs|noun ( pl. -tuses ) [usu. in sing. ]a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process :

Friends, I am going on a blogging hiatus for three weeks. Really, it is more than that. I'm taking a break from all unnecessary usage of technology—Facebook, TV(except news), telephone, etc—so that I can still myself and reconnect with God. I am also taking this time to buckle down and focus on my schoolwork. My desire is to have a strong finish and right here, right now, I feel myself losing footing. I'm also taking this time to embark on a new endeavor--something I will report in about when I return. So, as the good church folk say, "Pray for me as I continue to pray for you."

Peace, until next time,

Donna Olivia

Today I...

...woke up at 7:00am,

...didn't feel like getting out of the bed.

...got up anyway,

...contemplated not going to work.

...went anyway,

...but not before I went to Whole Foods, two times, for fruit and lamb and barley and eggs.

...went to work.

...went for a walk.

...heard a sermon in my head as I walked,

...then wrote the sermon when I got home.

...cooked.

...cooked some more (mushroom barley soup, lamb chops, and broccoli).

...did some homework.

...wrote this blog and thought about how much more the day would hold.

Sweet Tooth...

So, today I've had a sweet tooth...ALL DAY! Early this morning, one of my roommates politely offered me a Ferrero Rocher Candy. You know, the heavenly mix of chocolate and hazelnut, creamy and crisp, yeah that Ferrero Rocher. Well, at 8:30am, I said no, but the three candies that sat on the dining room table taunted me all day. As I read through pages upon pages of material about domestic violence, coercive control, militarized border rape, and feminicide the candies teased me. I kept looking over hoping they'd be gone, but since I was the only one in the house and I didn't eat them, well, they were still there.

Instead of lunch, I had 400 calories worth of cookies--some all natural treats I got from Whole Foods yesterday. Needless to say, they somewhat satisfied my sweet tooth, but left me hungry. (Four hundred calories of cookies is no way to get full.) But, since I'm watching my girlish figure, I waited until dinner time to eat again. My homemade chicken noodle soup hit the spot. Shortly after dinner I headed out to the radio station for my first HoneyComb Hideout of the 2010 season. Well, when I returned, the Rochers were still there and my sweet tooth had returned with a vengeance. I hear you asking, "What did you do?" I wish I could say I fled from the temptation. Actually, no I don't. I got a napkin, loaded it up with some cookies (chocolate chip and peanut butter creme) and savored every bite. You know what, I'm satisfied. And I'm ready to run extra hard tomorrow.

All this is to say that as much as watching my girlish figure is important to me, I know that being happy and enjoying food is also important to me. So, every once in a while, I will let my sweet tooth have its way and I will enjoy every minute of it (and every minute of running it off). There's that balance thing again...

Checking In...

I don't have much time to write, but I just wanted to stop by and check in. This has been a wonder-filled, event-filled week.

The week started with an awesome worship experience at the Union Baptist Church in Morristown. Even before the welcome to visitors I had been bathed in the presence of the Holy Spirit who was obviously uninterested in the fact that I had on very black mascara.

On Tuesday I started classes and I'm pretty darned excited about the semester.I have some heavy hitting professors: Morris Davis for Church History 2 (who's got intellectual swag like none other), Traci West (ethicist par excellence), Althea Spencer Miller (ill Bible scholar with a West Indian flair), Gary Simpson (preacher's preacher), and Maxine Beach (the dopest Dean I've ever had).

I've run five (yes, one, two, three, four, five) times in between classes and work. I've made pro status in Wii bowling. And, since the scales don't lie, I've lost five (yes, one, two, three, four, five) pounds since the beginning of the year.

I've also chatted with friends, cooked and eaten foods made with the freshest of ingredients, slept, fought off a cold, and watched a few episodes of Law and Order SVU. In many ways, I feel like I'm living the balance I talked about at the beginning of the summer. It feels good. And when I look in the mirror I see my glow. It's coming from the inside. I don't know about you, but for me, when I take care of myself, my whole self, I tend to glow. In all honesty, I had lost it. Thanks be to God I'm getting it back, more resplendent than ever, as I wrap things up at Drew.

Well, that's all for now. I've got to go stir my homemade chicken and shells soup before getting into my homework for the week. Until next time, be well!

Victory! Victory! Victory!

I had two, no three, revelations while I was out for my walk/run today. It is amazing what you hear when you take the headphones off and listen to your own breath, your feet hitting the pavement, the whir and sometimes roar of cars passing by, and the squawking encouragment from birds along the way. In the midst of those sounds and other really random thoughts, here are the thoughts that penetrated my soul:

1)I am VICTORIOUS in Christ! I had a moment when I was stuck jogging in place at a traffic light. I looked at my hands and noticed the Nike gloves. I looked at my feet and noticed the Nike sneakers. I quickly glanced at myself up and down: Nike watch, Nike jacket, Nike cell phone arm pouch, Nike water bottle. At first I chalked it up to being a label whore. But then I realized it was bigger than that. Nike is one of the Greek words for victory, conquest, triumph. (Somebody shout glory!!!) In that moment I realized that more than the gear that I was donned in, I was clothed in victory that come from being a child of God! I, like Paul, am ready to declare, "But thanks be to God, which giveth us the VICTORY through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Co 15:57).

2)Along the lines of giving thanks, it was revealed to me that to truly "thank God for the movement and activity of my limbs" (classic African-American testimony and prayer language) that I should actually move my limbs and be active. It is not enough to say "Thank-You," but we as believers should live our thank you! I'm not saying everybody needs to be out running, but everybody who has the movement of their body should be moving it to God's glory! It is not enough to be spiritual folk and intellectual folk, but we must recognize and give God glory because we are embodied spirits and embodied minds. To ignore and to mistreat our bodies is the same as dishonoring God.

3)Lastly, as I walked and ran in the 35 degree weather, I realized that it is not the cold of winter that makes me "blue" but rather the dark of winter. To rid myself of the winter blues all I need to do is take full advantage of the sunlight. As long as I have time in the sun, I'm good. Not profound, but a truth that makes me know that maybe Chicago is a place that I could settle for a while.

Baby it's Cold Outside...

It is 29º and I am about to go walking. Why, you ask? (amid thoughts of "girl, are you crazy, it's below freezing" and "you must smoke that good CRACK.") Well, because among other things, I committed this year to taking care of myself in the midst of book reading, thought thinking, and paper writing. So far, so good. I hit a couple of bumps in the road when big papers were due, but for the most part I've kept my workout schedule even when I traveled to South Carolina, Texas, and Tennessee. I've lost 15lbs since September and I'm halfway to getting my body to feel and look like it did when I attended my orientation at Drew 2.5 years ago. I'm doing it slowly and surely. I am cooking more, and eating less (using a salad plate for dinner)but I haven't gone to any crazy extremes. I tried, but I love food—rich food—too much! (In fact, I'm still eating my Atlanta Bread Company chcolate chip cookies because I loooove them so much!)

Oh, I almost forgot...Back to being outdoors in the freezing cold. I could go to the gym. We even have an indoor track on campus. But the gym bores me. Plus I could be in the gym for 6.5 minutes and feel like I've been there forever. For me, there is something about being outside—beholding the beauty of God's creation, breathing fresh (albeit cold) air, seeing people, scouting out deer (and being afraid when I see them), and the change of scenery (even when you walk down the same block two days in a row). So, I will head outside. Perhaps the wind died down some from yesterday. That is my prayer. Also, as much as the gym bores me—it is my safe haven when it is raining and/or snowing. It will be the place to be when the winter really sets in. Plus, there are squash courts at the gym. Squash makes me happy (even though I look crazy playing and I play by my own rules).

And I'm into alternative exercise these days. I'm not talking pole dancing classes (which are all the rage, but the womanist and Jesus in me won't let me do it). I've taken to hula-hooping lately. I'm not talking about hula-hooping like we used to do it on the playground back in the day. (OK, maybe I was one of those Black girls who couldn't hula-hoop back in the day, but watch me now!) The motion is the same, but I dare some third-grade sassy girl with asymmetrical afro puffs to try to work with the hoop I have. For one, its giant. (But hey, I'm a big girl now. Plus experts say adults should use bugger hoops than kids.) Secondly, it is weighted and has these massaging/digestion aiding thingies (several advanced degrees later I still use the word) on the inside of the hoop (see image above). I hula-hoop while listening to my Rock Steady Radio station on Pandora. I hula-hoop while watching Law & Order reruns. I hula-hoop while visioning my future. I hula-hoop. In 2010—watch out world—thanks to a generous Christmas present from my momma (why my mom cannot keep secrets about gifts is yet another blog) I will be Wii and Wii Fitting it to good health.

But until then, I'm heading out to walk and breath. But first, let me put on my thermal underwear and headphone earmuffs. Baby, it's cold outside!

Balance... (Accountability pt. 2)

balance |ˈbaləns|

noun

1 an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady: slipping in the mud but keeping their balance | she lost her balance before falling.

• stability of one's mind or feelings : the way to some kind of peace and personal balance.

• Sailing the ability of a boat to stay on course without adjustment of the rudder.

2 a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions : overseas investments can add balance to an investment portfolio | [in sing. ] try to keep a balance between work and relaxation.

I want balance in my life--I am tired of living in extremes. During the past two years, I have managed to be a scholar/student par excellence while totally abusing my body. Truth is, I am either a junk-food junkie or a health nut. I am either like Jackie Joyner Kersee or like Mr. Potato Head. I was thinking about India.Aire's song "Back to the Middle." I don't know if I've ever been there, but I certainly want to be there in the middle. Look at the definition of balance above. The words that jump out to me are upright, steady, stability. The sentence that caught my attention most was, "she lost her balance before falling." My God—I don't want to fall, and Lord knows, somedays I feel my foot slipping. 

Folks are talking about sustainability when it comes to the planet (and I get with all that), but right now I am more interested in sustainability when it comes to me life. The truth is, if doctoral work is in my future, if I am going to be a student for the next 5-7 years after I leave Drew, then I have to figure out how to stay on my "A" game (engaging the mind) while being a good steward of my body and spirit. I want to be the "me" that God created and called me to be. I want to know who I really am, and embrace it. I have come to terms with my body—my fleshy, womanly body. I've tried it, and size 10 is not for me. My optimal self, my humble self, and my healthy self is a curvaceous size 14. I want to live a long healthy life for God, myself, my future husband, and our future kids. I want to be a preacher/scholar who cares for her temple. So, below is a plan for what I think balance looks like in my life now, and some elements that I would love to look up 50 years from now and still be doing.

Operation Balance (Summer 2009)

Mind: Prepare daily for GRE exams by studying vocabulary and math before bed. Make time to play while in Gallatin/Nashville: swim, visit museums, parks, and eat great food!

Body: Sleep 8 hours each day, take a multi-vitamin daily, eat 5 fruits/vegetables each day, and walk 45 minutes at least 3 times per week.

Spirit: Open my ears to the word and direction of God by adding journaling and meditation each morning to my daily routine. 

Again, I type all of so I can be held accountable. Ask me how things are going? Lovingly encourage me. I promise to do the same for you...